“We are all
manufacturers. Making goods, making trouble, or making excuses.”(H.
V. Adolt)
“Excuses, excuses,
you'll hear them every day.” (Kingsmen song lyrics)
“Leaders sometimes lie
and they lie for good reasons. I tried to make the case [in my book,
Why Leaders Lie] that although instinctively all of us believe lying
is a bad thing that's not always the case. ...”
(John Mearsheimer, Political Science Professor and Author)
I glad to learn its now approved, because we all can think of times
when lying (an excuse) might have helped. I am married. I have
children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I am active in a
social group. So, the number of people authorized to find fault with
me has always been big enough to keep me creative with my excuses.
I'm glad someone has finally seen the good side of excuses (lying).
So, if the occasion should
present itself where a lie (excuse) is needed, then you need to know
how to produce a good one. I'm going to use some good ole pawpaw
wisdom to teach you how to produce good excuses and avoid the bad
ones.
1. A guilty dog barks
the loudest
This points out the number one
characteristic of a good excuse: “Don't oversell it.” What
happens when the husband arrives home very late and start speaking
like this “Unexpected business call …...resulting in me having
to …. so I did not get out before …...I got assigned....”. All
the time ranting and raving about how unfair you are being treated.
That gets you out of the frying pan into the fire faster than dark
flees light. You have a reputation as truthful, or you don't, so “I
had to work late.” works are
nothing does.
2. You can catch
more files with honey than with vinegar
Don't
get mad. It maybe an accepted principle that if you are not upset by being
accused then you are guilty. That is false. Someone who has done
nothing wrong has no reason to feel defensive.
3.
Every dog has fleas.
Admit
you are not always perfect, but this time you're innocent. Admit that
occasionally you just need time with the “guys”. When you admit
to a less offensive act, the person feels the lie has been found out,
so they are satisfied. This also helps establish an excuse for the
next time.
4. If
brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a junebug.
Act
dumb. Insignificant actions of the day are not remembered in detail,
so lies should not involve details. Consider the following
conversation. “Why
didn't you call and let me know?”
asks the wife. The husband responds, “My cell phone battery was
dead.” Wife asks, “Couldn't
you have used the house phone, or your friend's phone?”
Remember, the more facts you give the more facts that can be checked
out.
5.
Keep her as happy
as a tick on a fat dog
Earn
her good graces before you need them. Buy her flowers when she knows
you have none nothing wrong. I know, these times are far between, so
don't let a opportunity pass you by.
6.
You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear
Be yourself. Don't make excuses that don't ring true to who you are.
Don't say you stopped to fix a tire for an old couple broken down on
the road, if you have never lent a hand to another stranger.
7.
Even a blind hog
finds an acorn every now and then
You might get away once or twice, but remember we all have “tells”.
Remember, if you wife knows you so that she can finish you sentences,
she knows your “tells”. The more excuses you make, the more likely
you are to get caught.
8.
Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.
Don't do thing that you are ashamed to get credited to your account.
Be sure you lies will find you out.
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